-Dog days are over Florence and the Machine”
Yup, that’s pretty much how it will have to happen for me.
You don’t see the pain because I don’t allow it to overpower me. It would be easier to let it, but that’s just not my style. In order to protect my sanity, my mind pushes out all the memories and stores them away until I am truly ready to deal. People think I am strong, and while I am strong this moment makes me weak. The moment I lost the one person who meant the world to me. Personally, I do not think shutting off your emotions is what a strong person would do. A stronger person just deals. Turning off your emotions has it’s own consequences. I’ve become even more angry, intolerant of people, and incapable of opening up to anyone. This scares me because shutting off your emotions will lead to shutting out love and happiness. I can only pray that someday I will be fortunate to meet some one who loves me as much as I love them. I think I deserve a second chance at a truly happy life. I might be a hard person to love, but when I love, I love with everything I’ve got.
Probably the best music video ever, just because it looks fun! Paramore: Still Into You [OFFICIAL VIDEO] (by FueledByRamen)
but do you got room for one more troubled soul?
I don’t know where I’m going But I don’t think I’m coming home and I’ll say “I’ll check in tomorrow if I don’t wake up dead”.
This is the road to ruin And we started at the end.
Say it, let’s be alone together.
We could stay young forever!
Scream it from the top of your lungs!
Say it, let’s be alone together!
We could stay young forever. We’ll stay young.
Cut me off, I lost my track.
It’s not my fault I’m a maniac.
It’s not funny anymore, no it’s not.
My heart is like a stallion,
they love it more when it’s broken.
No one else will love me like you did.
No one else will care about me as a person.
No one else will understand me like you did.
No one else knows this crazy life I’m still living.
No one can tell when I’m feeling mad or sad even when I’m smiling.
No body waits up for me when I’m out late to make sure I made it home and listen to me blabber about the great time I had.
No body leaves me notes taped to my door anymore.
I can’t remember the last time I actually said, “have a good day! See you later” to anyone.
I never hear I love you before I go to bed anymore.
Good nights are rare, and Good mornings never happen these days.
No one else will listen to me complain and know if I just want to get it off my back or I want some advice.
I suppose don’t completely accept anybody else’s advice anyway.
No one else takes the time to know my schedule that changes every few months.
No one could ever fill this hole in my heart.
I just hope someday I find someone who is worth the love I still carry in my heart. Until then I will remind myself I am capable of truly loving another human being.
When you can’t speak about the thoughts racing through your mind writing it out always prolongs the bottling it up process.
End of story.
Nothing is holding me here any longer.
No one can come along.
Bring nothing from home.
Celebrate another year on this earth and be on my way.
I’m ready to explore.
Though I suppose it will be a temporary clean break.
I’ll visit on my own terms.
Someday I will come back for good.
You believe I’m not afraid to go anywhere and that scares you.
Well you’re about to find out just how far I’ll go. ;)
Floating on unexplainable happiness allows a little more pain to escape every time.
I just don’t know if you’re the cure or the poison, but how could someone like you ever be just another negative in my life?
It’s silly to even question.
I am the one who bottles up all the pain only letting it get the best of me when no one is around for the breakdown.
When life seems like it used to be, I’m happy in the moment.
Then, I remember things have changed.
The bottles I lock these feelings into are made of glass because my heart feels the shards cut every time one breaks.
I wish I could go back to the earlier days.
I wouldn’t change anything.
I just want to live through it twice.
Maybe I’m going crazy.
Maybe you left too soon.
I’m always over thinking.
Then I realize this life is worth fighting for today.
It doesn’t live up to yesterday’s standards, but if I keep going
it might surprise me.
See this is my mistake.
It’s really annoying.
I set a plan and expect it to play out according to my design.
I don’t feel as I once did about this life.
There will come a time that I have to leave.
Things fall apart so easily.
I’m done with this twisted life I’m leading,
It’s going no where fast.
I want to live my life for me now.
I won’t need much drifting around from place to place,
No strings attached.
Only responsible for myself.